User Profile

Welcome to Kiley-town. Population: me. This is the section where I talk about myself (a lot), which is not something I’m very fond of doing (those who know me would do well to suppress their laughter for the moment… believe me, we’ll get there).

I’m a rather straight-forward person. If you ask me a question, be prepared for an honest (oft brutally so) opinion, unless, of course, I think you’re pretty, in which case I’ll probably make an ass out of myself trying to impress you with my substantial vernacular that will, at this point, be riddled with anxiety and thusly relegated to the ranks of a three-year-old from Alabama with Tourette’s. Charming, I know. Just know that, until I get to know you, you’re going to get an ear-full of objectivity, which, quite frankly, most people can’t handle. I won’t go so far as to point out an overtly egregious wardrobe selection or haircut (unless alcohol is involved) for the sake of social grace. Just know that it’s all meant with love (unless you’re an ass).

Interests? I always try to keep myself busy with something or another. When I’m in an especially active mood, I’m akin to snowboarding, camping, taking road trips, and going on random adventures, whereas my more sedentary moments will find me lounging at a coffee shop, park, gym, or any particularly nifty viewpoint from which I may enjoy a book or my iPod.
I’m an eater, through and through. I do keep myself fit and healthy, but I’m totally a fat girl at heart, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sacrifice pasta for better abs. This leads to me spending an enjoyably immense amount of time either as a patron of finer Seattle area restaurants or in my own kitchen.
As far as music and movies go, I enjoy a pretty broad spectrum of genres; the only things I don’t particularly enjoy are crappy low-brow films (anything with Larry the Cable Guy) for movies and “gangsta’ rap” and country for music. Some favorite movies include: Pulp Fiction, Death Becomes Her, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Dr. Strangelove, Best in Show, the Absolutely Fabulous collection, and Eddie Izzard stand-up. For music, I particularly enjoy The Cardigans, Incubus, Fiona Apple, Goldfrapp, Garbage, and Nelly Furtado, to name a few. My music collection grows at a rate that would rival that of Kirstie Alley’s ass pre-Jenny Craig, so who knows what I’ll be listening to tomorrow.

I’m always up for meeting like-minded people, but to avoid wasting time and the emotional scarring (yours, not mine) that would surely follow, please adhere to the following guidelines:

1) If you think that Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan offer a legitimate form of entertainment aside from that of a depraved media spectacle, I will probably kill you within five minutes. Nothing personal, but… well, actually, it is personal; you are an imbecile.

2) A mastery of the English language at the high school level is the minimum for holding a viable conversation with me. If listening to you speak is as involved as correcting the errors in a book report on Paradise Lost written by a three-year-old Vietnamese refugee, it’s not going to work, and you might get a face-full of vodka^†.

3) Ambition: you need to have it. If you are content with riding the bus and serving lattes for the rest of your life, just keep on moving. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a barista or holding a similarly menial job, but if you have no further aspirations for yourself, we’re not going to have a whole lot to talk about.

4) Lastly, don’t be a fuck. Not quite sure how far I need to expand on that, but if you are arrogant, obtuse, asinine, puerile, malevolent, or just plain insane, I will have no patience with you.



^†Dependant on level of inebriation.

In spite of all the preceding, I am, at heart, an extremely laid back individual. I will be straight-forward, but not at the expense of engaging a complete stranger who is an obvious moron, and as such, a waste of my time (unless you be fucking with ma peeps, in which case you best step!).
Basically, I am all about enjoying my life and sharing it with the people I love. Really, what else is there?

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